Three ways to support your teens during exam time…without being “Cringe” by Dr. Audrey Tang
A recent study by Save My Exams found that over half of 1000 15-18-year-olds surveyed said they felt “overwhelmed by exam season.”
- One of the most important things anyone can do is validate their right to feel as they do. We are not very good at sitting with anxiety and often rush to try and “make it go away” or to “feel better,” which can also mean us doing the same for others…especially if we don’t like seeing them troubled, so:
If your teen reaches out to you, try to avoid “toxic positivity” – for example, if a young person (or anyone) says, “I’m so stupid,” or “I’m rubbish at everything,”…or words to that effect, your natural tendency is to want to say “No you’re brilliant…” and then go on to list all the reasons why (and I am sure they will be genuine and valid, and always comes from a place of love. Unfortunately, this does not validate those emotions, and the opportunity to understand what they are trying to say is lost.
A better way to navigate that discussion would be to acknowledge the feeling with something like “I’m really sorry you are feeling that way – why”…asking for more information.
- If you are helping your teens, role-modelling healthy ways to manage your own anxiety is hugely important. Why would you expect a young adult to listen to you if you are not showing in your own practice that what you are suggesting works!!?
You might even decide to practice your self care or stressbusting techniques together, such as affirmations with deep breathing or doing a “brain dump” of the things you need to address.
Another of my favourite techniques is to have your child note down everything they need to do and its relative importance in a “pie chart” where the size of the slices show the importance of the activity. Then ask them to draw on a scale of 0 in the centre to 10 on the outside, where they are in each segment – this gives them a visual representation of what they need to do and where they are – as well as an indication of the areas they are neglecting (and how important those areas are) – this provides a visual starting point, and by having everything in one pie chart, it might feel a lot more manageable.
- Ask THEM for solutions. Asking them, “How best can I help you?” or “What’s the best thing I/We can do right now?” or “What would you like from me?” is empowering and collaborative, and you gain insight into what is really needed rather than misleading yourself with your own assumptions by trying to “fix things.”
…and whatever you do – don’t make it a big deal!!!
