The Paradoxical Anxiety of Daily Journaling by Pat Rullo
Journaling has long been recognized as a therapeutic tool for clarifying, expressing emotions, and promoting self-reflection. Many people journal daily to cope with stress, anxiety, and other mental health challenges. However, I find the act of daily journaling itself induces anxiety and becomes an added stressor.
I have tried. I have journals with gold-leaf covers, diary-like journals, fancy fabric journals, plain old spiral-bound notebooks, scratch pads, loose-leaf pages, pens, quills, colored pencils, fountain pens … nothing seems to make a difference.
I simply cannot journal. Is something wrong with me?
As I thought about the potential reasons why a person might not enjoy journaling, I came up with these and bounced them back at myself:
Fear of Self-Reflection: Daily journaling encourages introspection, self-analysis, and honest confrontation with personal thoughts and emotions. This level of vulnerability may evoke fear, as it requires acknowledging uncomfortable truths or painful experiences. The apprehension of delving into one’s subconscious can contribute to anxiety.
Nope – this doesn’t describe me.
Time Constraints: Setting aside dedicated time for daily journaling is another responsibility. People already overwhelmed by busy schedules and demanding routines may view daily journaling as an added burden, leading to feelings of stress and anxiety.
Yes – this describes me.
High Expectations: Unrealistic expectations of how much one should write or what topics to cover further contribute to this anxiety.
Hmmm – maybe?
Self-Indulgence and Rumination: Mulling over negative thoughts and emotions repeatedly by writing them down may reinforce them instead of aiding in their resolution. Instead of processing and moving forward, some individuals become trapped in a cycle of self-pity and negativity.
No, it’s not this.
Overemphasis on Perfection: Journaling can inadvertently create a craving for perfection. As people record their thoughts and experiences, they may feel pressured to present them eloquently and flawlessly.
I don’t think so.
Comparison and Envy: In today’s social media-driven world, where people share only their highlight reels, journaling can inadvertently fuel comparison and envy. Instead of promoting self-improvement and acceptance, journaling may become a battleground for measuring oneself against others.
Again, No.
Fear of Judgement: One common reason people may find it challenging to journal is the fear of judgment or criticism. They may worry about someone reading their private thoughts or uncovering vulnerabilities they prefer to keep hidden.
No. When someone finds my journal, I’ll probably be long gone. Too late to worry about what anyone thinks.
None of the above feel like the answer to my non-journaling mindset. So let me spin this around.
Why It’s Okay Not to Journal
Personal Preferences and Individual Differences: Engaging in activities that align with our personal preferences and individual differences is paramount. While some people find solace and satisfaction in daily writing, others might prefer different avenues for self-reflection and expression, such as art, music, or simply engaging in deep introspection.
Pressured Performance: To me, journaling feels like a forced performance rather than a natural process. The pressure to maintain consistency, fill pages, or write introspectively creates annoyance more than anxiety, and I’m guessing that hinders the benefits that journaling is intended to bring in the first place.
Creative Expression Beyond Words: While journaling primarily revolves around written words, creative self-expression comes in various forms. Art, for instance, can be a powerful outlet for emotions. Capturing thoughts and ideas via audio is another way to express oneself. This may be why I am a radio host. Yes, it does involve words, but for me, it’s always been about the ‘delivery’ of the words – the emotions, sarcasm, and humor that conveys the message more than the actual words.
Time Constraints and Busy Schedules: I mentioned this earlier, but finding time for regular journaling is my biggest problem. Or maybe it’s just the thought of a ‘schedule’ that ruins it for me. The expectation of writing every day or even every week becomes burdensome, adding unnecessary stress.
The Importance of Internal Reflection: Internal reflection, without the need to document everything on paper, is equally valid and essential for personal growth. I start my day outside in the quiet of the morning, walking the river and talking to the cottonwood tree. Merely taking the time to stand in silence, pondering thoughts and emotions, can be a profoundly introspective experience.
Physical Proof: Not all reflection needs to be externalized or memorialized. I like this one. I seldom use a camera to capture anything. When I’m tied to a camera, I feel like I’m missing the reality of the moment for the sake of enjoying the moment after the fact. Maybe no camera and no journal are my way of relying on my mind to go back when needed to revisit moments, thoughts, and feelings. And if I lose them, so what? There’s always more to come.
I’m feeling better having written this today. I embrace alternative ways of self-reflection and expression. There is no one size fits all approach.
Now I can toss all those empty journals that haunt and taunt me.
Conclusion? Nothing’s wrong with me!
PR
